Man, I just have to jump in here!! This is great. I never did dress conservatively at least since about 1994. That is when I started to build some self-esteem and get back into feeling good about myself.
I'll never forget after the ex left me, the elders called me into the back room and said since I no longer had a husband they would act in his place. I was like "What"? I had seen one of the elder's wives elbowing her husband that day at the meeting looking at me and laughing. I didn't know what in the world was going on. It seems she had a problem with my sweater being to low. They counseled me on suggestive clothing and drawing improper attention to myself. What ever. I went out and bought a spandex black shirt really low cut and started wearing it with my jeans!! Made me feel lot's better.
Wendy,
Get your butt up here. I have been kicking the tatoo thing around for awhile. Chicken I guess. There is a great artist seven miles from here. One of the girls I studied with has nine tatoos and she swears by him. Let's go. Angharad get the next flight over there is courage in groups!!!
TW
thinkers wife
JoinedPosts by thinkers wife
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26
Just a female thing?
by anglise insince drifting from the org over the last year or so i have been slowly updating my clothes.
i thought maybe it was just me who had been dressing like a middle aged matron since i was 23 but whilst talking to a young xsister recently i learnt that she too has thrown out most of the clothes she used to wear whilst a dub.. has anyone else found themselves doing this, and is it just a female thing?
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thinkers wife
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Yeah Yeah I'm back
by joelbear ini couldn't stay away.
i love you guys.. abaddon's and ldh's recent posts hit close enough to home that i decided to post again.. i think the selected memory and split personalities go hand in hand.. the selected memory helps keep the cult personality happy and gleaming no matter what damage the suppression does to the real human or the real human's family and friends.. a couple of years ago i was talking about my childhood with my parents and they both acted stunned when i said i was still angry with them because they didn't want me to go to college (i gave up several scholarship offers, etc.
to become a pioneer and eventually go to bethel).
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thinkers wife
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
Glad you are back Joel. Missed you!! Was hoping you couldn't stand to stay away. Let me be the first to welcome you back!!
What is that denial thing? My Mom does that stuff all the time! Some kind of selective memory thing. Selective in that it never matches mine.
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Brain Dead
by Free2Bme injust like to comment on the brain deadening effect of the jw way of life.
it's bizarre how completely oblivious they are to major issues such as doctrinal changes !
it's like they just calmly accept anything the org says without engaging their thought processes.. the 'generation' change was pretty amazing and would affect their door-to-door message in a big way yet it seemed to be met with a collective shrug.. i can remember triumphantly waving matt24:34 in many an impatient householders face as conclusive proof the end was nigh.. even more baffling is the fact that if i had been a bit of a swat and decided the society had got it wrong and the generation referred to the wicked generation rather than a generation of people alive in 1914 who would witness the end i would probably have been in big trouble and labelled 'apostate'.. it's as if the worldwide congregation is in a trance.
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thinkers wife
Free,
Welcome to the board. Your words are an echo in my head for sure! Excellent post.
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31
What the hell am I going to do with these books?!?
by TheApostleAK inwhat am i going to do with all the books (for field service) that i still got??
i got 5 "life" books, 3 nwt's, 5 "knowledge" books, 3 of every brochure, 10 "required" brochures, 2 "creator" books, 2 "family" books and a 12 inch pile of wt's and awakes?
(i got another box of books to got thru in a minute) and i didn't even pay for them!.
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thinkers wife
Apostle,
I am dying for a copy of the big concordance, you know that maroon one. Any ideas short of going to the KH, to get one?
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Newly DF'd/DA'd
by praying_mantis inover a year ago i divorced my husband.
he is the son of an elder, was addicted to pornography, and started doing drugs before i called it quits.
since then, i have met someone else.
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thinkers wife
Praying Mantis,
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. As time goes on you will find the guilt abates. Actually, mine is gone. I da'ed myself in June of 2000.
You must remember, YOU ARE NEVER OBLIGATED, to talk to the elders. Let them do what they want. Although, it should be disassociation in light of the letter you wrote. But my experience is they do what they want whatever we do.
Hope things go well for you in your newly chosen life!!
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Hugs from Geordieland!
by Sunbeam ini've been lurking on this forum and previously on the old h20 for a long time now.
and have probably read every word that's appeared on randy's site too.
finally decided it was rude to enjoy all your insights without at least introducing myself :).
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thinkers wife
Welcome to the board Sunbeam,
You are a braver woman than I. I am dealing with my parents who will speak to me if I call them. But they show zero interest in my personal life since I da'ed myself in June of 2000.
Sometimes I really have to bite my tongue, especially when Dad starts talking about this system of things ending. I am not sure I really want to open that can of worms.
Keep us updated on your progress with your M-in-law.
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24
since i sent my DA letter
by jurs inthings have certainly been eventful since i sent my da letter.
it hasn't been announced at the meeting yet, but plenty seem to know!!!!!
monday a pioneer sister called me.
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thinkers wife
Good for you Jurs,
Sounds like you did what you had to do. I wrote a one line letter of disassociation. "I no longer want to be known as one of Jehovah's Witnesses".
I didn't want to be disfellowshipped either. I wanted it to be on my own terms. I could feel the noose closing around my neck. I lived with Thinker from April until June of 2000. And there were rumors going around the congregation, that I had moved. I have no guilt or regret about my choice to live with Thinker. We have been married since June 30, 2000. But I didn't want them to put me out. I wanted to make that choice, even though it is possible I could have gotten away with it.
The other big reason was that I had made the comittment to the org. albeit at too young of an age, thirteen. And I did not want to be hypocritcally carrying around a name I had agreed to honor.
It was very freeing to me in so many ways to write the letter and make a clean break. The wording of my one sentence was also very important to me! I am glad I did it. Although I am still living with the reprocussions.
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Did the elders keep secret files on us?
by XJWBill inhowdy all,.
i've recently discovered all the great ex-jw sites on the internet, and i've enjoyed reading other people's stories.
but a few passing comments in some stories have made me wonder: do or did the elders keep files on individuals in each congregation?
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thinkers wife
Bill,
First of all welcome to the board. I am glad you are at peace with yourself that is priceless.
Not to differ with JT, because he is an excellent source of the inside workings of the Org., IMO.
But in 1984, there was a "kangaroo court" held in my congregation. It dealt with some vile lies that a person I had studied with went to the elders with. The elders called a meeting. They made it clear to my ex husband and I that it was not a judicial hearing. They chose to have two elders from our congregation and called a third one in from another. When I questioned this, they simply said that since there were only two elders in our congregation, they wanted a third party to hear it.
Also at the meeting were the woman who had made the accusations and about four other publishers who had heard the incident. Just to make things clear, I was from a small congregation of about 30 publishers, and this woman had publicly cursed me at our lunch break from FS. I have very little idea of what her accusations were with the exception of hearsay, and the horrible things she was allowed to scream at me during the meeting.
They handled the entire meeting just like a comittee meeting (I know I have had enough of them). After several hours of grilling, they sent everyone out except for the ex and I. They again told us "this is not a comittee meeting". Then they gave us an ultimatum, they said "we feel it is in your best interests to step down as pioneers, if you don't step down we will have to remove you". I said again, "I thought this isn't a comittee meeting". They again said it is not. But we feel you are under too much stress and it would be best for you to step down. Needless to say, we had no choice. Even though it was very clear she was a liar, even the witnesses present, though lamely had to admit she was the one who made the attack.
The upshot of the matter is, several years later, my ex husband became and elder, he was privy to the private file box. There was a file with our names on it and the date the the "non-judicial, kangaroo court meeting".
So I am here to say that in this instance, the file was made and kept of a non-judicial meeting.
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23
ARE AVERAGE JWs DECEPTIVE?
by Amazing ini ask this because on this and other forums that have a large share of former jws, our stated experiences and encounters during and after our jw membership seem to reflect that the wts and its body of believers are most corrupt.
likewise, those never associated who read our posts may get the impression that even visiting a kingdom hall may result in serious negative events.. i believe that it is important to remind everyone that the average jw is a generally good person.
most try to live good lives, act on their beliefs, and promote what they feel is the truth.
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thinkers wife
Thinker,
You know I love you.
If I had to guesstimate, I would say on the on the conservative level 25% on the outside edge 40%.
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5
Words
by Frenchy inmake of it what you will.. .
it was words that took it all from me.
words that tore my world apart.
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thinkers wife
Hey glad to see you both!! Seems like it has been awhile!!
TW